Well I did it again, I sent him a message through facebook.
“Hey, I just thought I should wish you a happy birthday! I hope all your birthday wishes come true.
He replied with a “Thanks Nivek!”
What i did was mature right? wishing him a happy birthday that is. I think I’m getting over him good. But sometimes my mind would put the words “I really miss you Olas” in my head and then I would need to VERBALLY correct myself by saying “I really miss having someone LIKE Olas” out loud just to tell my brain to basically “either think the right thing, or SHUT THE FUCK UP”
Brain discipline is hard work..sigh what I really hope to happen between the months from now and next year (when he comes for a year for exchange) is:
1) I find someone super amazing which better or different than him in a better way where I can feel love again and share my love.
2) Him date around and realizing that only I am awesome and great and confess his love for me again (hahaha such a dumb dream thought eh?)
I said, “hope all your birthday wishes come true” because mine this year truly did. For some reasons I make stupid bargains with fate in my mind and this is what I wished:
I want Olas to be safe and healthy and alive and that he will not have to deal with or suffer any consequences caused by the drug war in Mexico. What I was willing to give up for that is my relationship with him. well…not give up per say but in my mind i was thinking like at that moment, my relationship with him was the most important thing at my life so in my mind i put that up for wager for his wellness. (of course i never told him this) (my b-day was during the midway of our relationship).
Neways, i just felt like i had to get that off my chest!